Number 4 All Time Quotable Movie Characters

4. Ricky/Trent (Vince Vaughn's characters from Swingers and Made)

My mate Rob loves the Movie Swingers, he gets so excited that, when the opening sequence starts, he starts throwing air punches and laughs himself silly.

I like it alot too, I especially like the parts where Trent says "money"

Like "You are so fucking money and you don't even know it.."

That's so money.

Really though, Vince Vaughn is given free reign on the scripts of these two movies, mainly because John Favreou (spelt wrong no doubt) is one of his good friends. He pretty much just goes off on a tangent at every opportunity, which makes the dialogue written for Swingers and especially Made so unique.

In many cases, good lines are all in the timing and the delivery, most comedians would tell you that.. you can say something and if you say it in a certain way at a certain time it is hilarious, yet if you say the same thing at the wrong time it is downright stupid and probably insulting.

Here are a few examples of good and bad timing..

The Line

"That's dead funny"

Good Timing

Everyone is standing around in an Anatomy class at University studying a Cardava when someone trips over and falls into the Cardava making it fall to the floor with its hand on its crotch.

Funny Guy "That's dead funny."

Everybody laughs, except the guy who fell over, who looks slightly embarrassed.

Bad Timing

Everyone is standing around in an Anatomy class at University studying a Cardava when someone trips over and falls into the Cardava, making it fall to the floor with its hand on its crotch. The person who tripped, hits their head on the table and falls to the ground, dead.

Idiot Guy "That's dead funny."

Everybody looks horrified, except the guy who fell over, who just looks dead.

------

I love a good tangent.

Anyway, Vince Vaughn has some classic lines in these movies like

"He's the guy behind the guy, behind the guy."

"What about me coach, didn't I have heart??"

"I'm not gonna much good to you.. I'm gonna take a break.. be twenty, thirty minutes"

"I'm sorry man, its been a long day, we are tired, there's no problem.. Get out, Get the fuck out"

Most of those lines are probably wrong, but I don't have a very good memory so meh.

I WILL NOT BE SWAYED BY POPULAR OPINION!!

Adventures of Captain Camerelli and the Canadian Super-Hag

Today, I had a hankering for some fresh fruit and vegetables so I took the skytrain out to Metrotown and went to the Canadian Super Store - basically an overblown supermarket, that sells a whole bunch of stuff (think Coles mixed with Target or something)

Anyway, so im shopping in there for a while, and finish up buying what I need and get in the queue. The cashier proceeds to zap all my stuff as per usual.

I stick out my card to pay via eftpos and she hands me the doohicky and I swipe my card, it doesnt work. I swipe it again and then the following happens

Super-Hag behind the cashier says to me

"Read it.."

(Thinking to myself, I did read it, it said OPEN / OVERT.. it means nothing to me)

She proceeds to press some buttons on the cashier and I figure that means I can try to swipe my card again, and it doesn't work so Super-Hag says

"No, read it.." (Taking my card off me..) "Its the 21st century"

Usually mild mannered me just takes this normally, but this was a fairly insulting thing to cop from a She-Hag that works behind a counter at the Canadian Super Store, so I said

"There's no need to be rude about it."

She-Hag then swipes the card and it all works ok, then I am left with a pile of groceries sitting on the bench, and She-Hag has already starting serving the customer after me. So I say to her

"Um, excuse me, where can I get some bags from?"

She-Hag has conveniently not told me that you need to pay 4 cents per bag until this point, so I take 25 cents out of my wallet and she has started talking to someone else, so im holding out this coin to this cow behind the counter waiting for her to finish off her conversation. I put the coin down on the counter, loudly.

She-Hag notices that I am still there and then gives me my change and a couple of bags, then proceeds to ask the lady after me if she would like any bags.

She-Hag, if you are out there, fuck you.

The next time you serve a customer, assume that they are more intelligent and electronic savvy than you, especially if you are a 30 something idiot with wayyy too much make-up working as a check out chick at a place like Canadian Super Store.

I hope you get fired, you are an idiot, thanks for ruining my life.

Number 5 - Top 10 Most Quotable Movie Characters of All Time

5. William Wallace (From Braveheart)

This is probably an odd choice for number 5 on all time top quotable characters and is here because I always used to love the epic as a younger fella' (And I still do).

Braveheart was one of those movies that I went and watched with my mate Bart, a spur of the moment thing, one where I knew absolutely nothing about it beforehand. The conversation would have been something like

"Hey you wanna go see Braveheart??"

"Hmm, whats it about?"

"Uhh, its got Mel Gibson and.."

"ok, im sold."

So we waltzed into the movie theatre, I think I remember it to be pretty empty at the time and thought, well, at least I won't have any little kid sitting behind me, kicking my chair and carrying on.

The movie booted up, and the rolling hills of Scotland appeared, bagpipes in tow (or a set that looked somewhat like what I imagine Scotland to look like) and I was hooked. After the 3ish hours or so of the film was over, I realised that not once did I think about how I hadn't got any snacks from the snack bar, how I needed to go to the toilet, or how sore my arse was.

Anyway, the point of all this is that Braveheart then became one of my all-time favourite movies, and because of this, I have a tendancy to quote the movie on a semi regular basis. Quoting this movie isn't usually so good for picking up chicks though.. so don't try it.

Me at club to chick with backpack "I love ye'.. and I want to marry ye"

Chick with backpack, typing on her mobile frantically "Hello?? Police?? I'm being stalked.."

This aside, Braveheart has awesome quotes. From when William Wallace is a little whinging snot bag

"Aww, but I want to goooooo"

to when he is older, more muscular and blue

"They make take our lives.. but they will never take.. our Freeedom!!"

and of course my all time favourite as Wallace is being tortured

FREEDOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!

That gives me tingles everytime I hear it.

I wish I was William Wallace. (Except for being dead, that kinda sucks)


Note - One of the other awesome quotable characters in this film is the Irish guy.. I can't remember the characters name but he is pretty great. "I told ye before.. its MY Ireland"

Coming up next...Number 4 - Trent/Ricky (From Swingers/Made)

Number 10 through 6 of the Top 10 Most Quotable Movie Characters Of All Time

I think there is always a need for Late Show style countdowns, I don't think I have done one yet on my blog so here comes fun. Obviously this list is my opinion and no one else is going to agree with it, but tough. You get your own blog then we can compare notes.

Side Note - By "All Time" I mean movies that I am familiar with. Obviously old movies like Ben Hur and the 10 Commandments (anything with Charlton Gunslinger in it basically) are quoted alot, but since they almost predate colour I don't really care about them.

So Without further delay, here is my list

10. Brick Tamlin (From Anchorman)

Anything that has Will Ferrell in it usually becomes an instant quotable classic, and it felt like sacralige to have one of these lists without having him mentioned somewhere. I also have absconed the use of a spell checker, so I think I am ripe for some "Word Not Found" replace/fix checks. Whatever hey, who cares, Its almost 2006.

Anchorman is one of those movies you start to watch and you think to yourself

"Jesus, is this funny or am I just stupid?" I don't get it. The acting is bad, the writing is bad. It's just flat out bad. But then all of a sudden, you chuckle a bit. Then Jack Black shows up and does some stupid things like punting a dog over the edge of a bridge and the other all star cameo's keep rolling and you walk away thinking, hey that wasn't half bad.

Then you meet some of your friends, the inevitable "Have you seen ?" comes up.

When you insert Anchorman into the brackets everyone starts dropping the quotes. Try it and see.

"LOUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDD NOOOISSES!!"

"I DONT KNOW WHAT WERE YELLING ABOUT!!"

"I stabbed a man with a trident.."

I can't remember Brick's other quotes from this movie verbatim, so I won't try to quote them, but for a great Anchorman quote-a-thon, check out Bill Simmons on the right, he has a funny article about Anchorman. If you can't beat em, join em.

Will Ferrell's character, Ron Burgandy also drops a few memorable ones as well.

"I don't know how to put this.. but im.. kind of a big deal."

Best.Pick up Line.Ever.

9. Terminator 2

I remember when they released Terminator 2 (I should probably say Unleashed Terminator 2) my mate Bart went and saw it near opening night and then came and told me every little thing about the movie. So much so, that when I went and saw it myself with another mate I was saying

"Ohhh, this is the part where the Terminator gets stuck on the bars because his gun isn't made out of the same stuff as the rest of him"

and

"Ohh, this is where John Conner breaks down and cries like a girl and Arnie asks him what those things coming out of his eyes are"

Basically I was probably one of those annoying kids you want to knock out in the movie because they are talking all the way through it, and kicking your chair and carrying on.

I had my friend totally convinced that I had already seen the movie even though I tried to convince him otherwise. I guess that goes to show you how persuasive I can be. Or not.

Anyway, T2 has many quotes that my friends and I roll out on a consistant basis.

"I'll be back" is obviously an all time legendary quote and Arnie drops it like only Arnie can in this movie. Honestly, I don't think I've ever heard a line used so many times from a movie as "I'll be back" is from T2. I even had it as my shut-down sequence noise on my old computer.

Still, one awesome quote doesn't get Arnie any better than 9th on my list, even though there are several other doozies. "What are those things coming out of your eyes?" is one that springs to mind (The touching, emotional side of Arnie shows in that part of the movie. He is so layered..) and "Come wit me if you want to live.."

Everyone knows these quotes. Everyone loves Arnie. (At least that was until he thought he was a Governer..)

8. Jesus from The Big Lebowski

I have this recurring memory of working at the University of Technology, Sydney where one of my work mates and all round music guru, Dean, was quoting the Big Lebowski. His line was "That creep can roll man".

I don't know how many people have actually seen this movie, but I like to think of it as a "Rob Film". Hmm, I might need to explain that one.. Rob my mate from Uni always liked the slightly offbeat movies, some of which I always thought were better off watched while stoned. I think the Big Lebowski falls nicely into that catergory (Other Rob Film's include "Dead Man" and "I heart Huckerbee's").

Anyway, Big Lebowski has a few great quotable characters, number one of which is the character Jesus. (Pronounced, Jesus.. like the one in the bible). Jesus is this ultra competitive Bowler in the movie and he is just one of those great characters that obviously happen to a script writer/director in a moment of brilliance (or under the influence of some substance).

So utterly quotable

"What's this day of rest shit. What's this bullshit?? I don't care.. It don't matter to Jesus. You might fool the fucks down at the league office, but you don't fool me.. was gonna fuck you in the ass Saturday.. gonna fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead."

"Jesus.." Dude or John Goodman's character.. can't remember (Saying it like you would say "woah, settle down there.."

"You got it man, nobody fucks with the Jesus... You got a date Wednesday baby!!" (Followed by a Ric Flair "WOAH!!" as Jesus walks out of the Bowling Alley.)

You can't put a price on that stuff. It's solid gold.

7. Napoleon Dynamite

I went and watched this movie at the cinema with my mate Adam. We both were a bit stunned after the movie and we couldn't decide whether it was funny, boring or just plain weird. I did the whole talk about movie thing again with friends and once Napoleon Dynamite comes up as the look out, its Quote City.

On Christmas Eve, we went out and met a couple of Pom guys and it was so on. The Napoleon Dynamite quotes were being thrown out left right and centre. I don't remember most of that night, but that part stood out. That must mean something.

Best quotes from this movie are usually from Napoleon and his brother. Usually its the whole "Gosh, fricken and respect my skills" or some combination of all three.

You will probably see the whole "Vote for Pedro" T-Shirt thing coming around now. That's a quote too.. of a sort.

This movie was made for geeks like me.

6. Jay (From Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Clerks, Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back)

Man, I know they were just kids, but we kicked their asses

It's like im Han Solo, shes Ben Kenobi, your Chewbaca and were in that FUCKED UP BAR!!

They woulda kicked yours and lunchboxes ass if I hadn't have shown up..

Fly Fatass!! Fly!!!

Wolverineeeeeeeeeee.... snitchity snitch snitch snoutch (Imitating Wolverine..)

So are we gonna have sex now? If so, I'm first... I hate sloppy seconds


Basically the character Jay is like a walking quote machine. Everytime I see any Jay and Silent Bob movie by Kevin Smith he cracks me up. His lines never get old.

Top 5 coming soon..

Packer R.I.P

A big man of Australian media ate it recently - Kerry Packer (aka Australia's Richest Man). I found this amusing quote about the big-time gambler in the paper

"He was, more remarkably, once reported to have won 20 hands of baccarat in a row at Las Vegas. There, a Texan oilman at Packer's table brashly announced he was worth $60 million. "Toss you for it," came the laconic reply."

Nice one Tex.

I've almost matched this effort by losing 7 hands of Blackjack in a row online. I think I lost about $160. It was incredible. I guess that is what seperates someone like Kerry Packer and me. Someone people got it, some people don't.

I guess I don't got it... yet.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas avid readers.

Hope this Christmas has brought you everything you wanted and a bag of potato chips.

Also hope that nobody was stupid enough to drink as much as I did last night.

Bad form. Very bad form.

News From The Wire

I can't say that anything here is as interesting as a good ol' fashioned race riot, like some cities are experiencing... but at least the weather is cold.

I can't spend a monumental amount of time writing this as I am using someone elses internet connection in the place I am currently living, something akin to stealing, although I haven't had to use any sort of lockpick or skullduggery equipment to pull it off. Just my trusty wireless network card. As with most of these connections I am at the owners mercy and if they discover my unwanted connect then im toast.

My time recently has been spent sleeping, playing Simcity 4 (which I found installed on my computer, I forgot I had it), going out occasionally (as much as my very limited budget allows) and eating.. plus everything that goes along with it.

Speaking of my new place, its pretty crappy, I seem to be in a place with a bunch of ex/pseudo homeless people/junkies and students. My room is OK however, spacious enough for what I need and it has a fridge and a microwave (so all my new-found culinary skills are somewhat wasted - it's 2 minute noodles for me.. well... as soon as I buy myself a bowl). There is a toilet and a shower across the hall, close enough so I don't have to walk too far. The showers in this place are the real kickers though, there are two on my floor. One has no hot water. The other has no cold water, so I spend my time running backwards and forwards between the two of them.

I'm missing the fact that I no longer have a television (missing all the basketball to be precise) but the fact that I have no television and no regular internet connection has meant that I have been able to catch up on my reading and computer game playing. Maybe I will soon start the novel I have been planning on writing for the past 25 years. Who knows, stranger things have happened.

I had my work christmas party last week, It was pretty uneventful for me, the highlight of the night was probably my boss vaulting over a railing and landing on a pile of chairs (reminded me of a turtle on its back.. only more hilarious). To me it really doesn't even feel like christmas, sure there are decorations scattered in the city but without the build-up, the gift giving and with family and friends talking about it it really hasn't hit home. Maybe it will on the day itself. It is times like these I wish I could afford a return trip home to spend a week or so with all of you back in Oz!! (Wahhh)

The only other really interesting things that I have done lately are going to see Harry Potter (which I thought was pretty good, almost as good as the book but not quite..) and the South African dancing/singing show called Umoja . It reminded me of my early days growing up as a black child in South Africa. It brought back alot of memories.

I had best wrap this up, times-a-wasting.

Fish.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

It is November 28th and snow has started to fall in Vancouver. My room mate says that this is the first time he can remember it EVER snowing in November since he has lived in Vancouver (which is a while.. or at least, longer than me). I took a couple of photos of the stuff, since I've never seen it fall in a city before, which I will post in a day or two. The early snowfall bodes well for a good ski season, which I am really looking forward to.

I move out of my place in a day or two, and I am going to see the show Umoja (African Dancing/Singing) with my room-mate Moyo. On the 3rd of December I will hopefully catch-up with my mate Bartrowski who is stopping over in the 'Coove airport for a few hours. Then on the 7th of December i've got a work christmas party, which figures to be a bit of fun. So the next few weeks should be mldly interesting. Maybe I will have some good stories to tell. Work will probably make the time suck though. Boo-urns to work.

Apologies

I want to apologise to the following people for not replying to their emails -

Muszynski, Konrad

That is all.

Haha, nah im just playing with you dog, if you are out there, a reply is coming - and that goes to anyone else that has written to me lately (although you probably aren't reading this.. so - waste-of-time)

Been lazy/busy/insert excuse here

Photo from Anchorage

Anchorage

I have finished my journal thing from Alaska, Anchorage has now been added. Its under Alaska up top. I also put a funny thing in the Funny bit so check it out if you want to laugh your nuts off, sans nuts, then whatever equipment you may have.