Cameron's Web Blog Thing

Train Etiquette

Every morning and afternoon I have been catching the train with a bunch of sheep and for the most part I have been handling it ok. No one has died with blood on my hands... yet.

There are a few people who are really pushing my kill buttons though. These people just don't understand Train Etiquette. I'm hopeful that my blog will suddenly become the most popular website in the world so all of these people can read it and understand how fucking rude they are being on the train.

Without Further Ado - Train Etiquette

1) Male under 50, Male over 6'0, Male with a girth wider than the national average, Woman with a girth greater than the national average. Actually, any male under 50 (or with a break)

The above are not permitted to sit in the middle seat of a 3 seater under any circumstances. (Obvious exception is if all 3 people know one another, then they can do what they please)

These people are also not permitted to sit in the side seats near the doors unless there are at least 2 seats free side by side.

2) If you have a friend that is sitting on the other side of the side seats near the doors you are not to talk to them across the train, this fucking pisses me off and I and everyone else on the train does not want to hear your life story, so shut the fuck up. If you want to talk to them, give up you seat to someone else (make sure they aren't one of the people listed under point 1 though) and stand near them so you aren't boring everyone else on the carriage.

3) If you are the first to sit down on a 2 seater on a train that is likely to be packed full of people (ie/ any time from 7-9 in the morning and 4:30-6:30 at night) then DONT SIT ON THE OUTSIDE. Move your fat ass over to the window so other people can sit down.

4) If you aren't one of the people listed under point 1, and you decide to squeeze into the gap between two other people, be prepared to be uncomfortable. You have absolutely no right to move your elbows out so that the people on either side of you are uncomfortable. If you have a paper and you want to read it, you fold it to the size of a tissue and read a word at a time. Basically you are a prisoner and have absolutely no rights. Fish.

5) No sleeping in the middle seat of a 3 seater unless you know how to control your body position while you are asleep. People on either side of you do not want you resting your head on their shoulder no matter how nice you might smell.

6) If you are the only person facing the wrong way in the carriage then look out the window. You are not allowed to look at anyone else on the carriage unless you are hot and you are trying to pick up.

7) If you are sitting on the steps of the train, you are only allow to sit on one side.

8) If you are the second person to sit on the steps of a train, you MUST sit on the same side as the person already seated. If you sit on the other side and block everyone from walking down the steps then you are an asshole. If you have a sore leg or something and HAVE to sit on the other side, then you are the one who has to stand up if someone needs to get off, not the person who was already sitting.

9) If you are leaving the train, you should not stand up until you are somewhere near your stop. There is absolutely no point in getting up just after you have left the station BEFORE your stop. Sit down, be fucking patient and get up when the train is pulling into your own station. You piss off so many people by doing this, leaving the train is not a race, the train does not move faster when you stand up and start walking to the door. Be fucking patient and let people enjoy their seating experience. You will find that often the person next to you has to get off at the same stop so you really are raping them mentally by making them do something they dont want to do.

10) If you cough, cover your mouth and face it downwards. Dont cough on the person in front of you.

11) School kids cannot sit at any time.

12) If you are on the phone on the train, keep your voice down, nobody cares about your life.

13) If you have a music player (mp3 player or whatever) then you cannot turn it up so loud that everyone else on the carriage can hear it. You might like your DOOF DOOF but I can guarantee that the 70 year old grandmother sitting next to you likes it about as much as getting stabbed by the aids needle.

14) Just because you are small doesnt mean you are allowed to get on the train first. You are small and as such you should wait your turn because you would get stomped in a normal crowd surge.


I just want to give a shout out to Anonymous. Hey Anonymous, love your work. Hope your doing well. Peace

Cammo3001's Guide to Having a Great Time at a Party


Firstly if you are thinking of having a good time at a party... never take a wallet or phone. This way, if you get really drunk you never have to worry about losing them.

Secondly, get really drunk. Just make sure you drink alot in the first few hours, so by the time everyone arrives and is starting to have a good time, mellowing out, chatting loudly and farting softly (or is that just me?) you will already be the loudest and most obnoxious person in the room, but the best part of it is, you won't even know. You will think you are pretty much the balls.

Standard Drinking Pattern should be something like this

1st Hour - 10 or so standard drinks
2nd Hour - 5 or so standard drinks
3rd Hour - 5 or so standard drinks
4th Hour - Lucky to make it this far, probably can squeeze in one or two more S.D's
5th Hour - Pass Out


I want to punch spam in the face

I am currently in the market for a more.. no, make that a less spam friendly web blog host, so if anyone out there is reading this, give me some ideas. I might swap over to the same one that big dale uses. That one seems pretty sweet but then I will lose all my awesome articles.

THat would pretty much ruin my entire life.

Anyway, the main point I want to make is that I want to punch spam in the face. I am kind of contemplating making a scare-crow style creature and putting a picture of spam on the front of it. Just so I can punch it.

There are so many reasons why I don't like spam.

Here are a few of them

1) Spam has the letter S in it. I don't like S. If you are intelligent (Like the guy who invented Tea Bags) then you would realise that my name does not contain the letter S. This is not a fluke.

2) Spam makes me want to poo on the face of Online Casinos

3) Spam does not make me want to update my blog,

4) Spam seems to think its Saturday every day. Spam if you are out there, get a new hobby and stop posting your online casino crap on my site.

That's enough reasons for now.

In other news, I am back in Australia. I have basically kept it a secret from almost everyone because I am an anti social git who does not like the company of other people who are nicer than I am.

Wish for the day - Spam gets stabbed by the aids needle.

North America vs English/Australian humour

Sledge Hammer
Sledge Hammer

Easily accessible. Sometimes funny, sometimes pathetic. Likened to getting hid over the head by a sledge hammer.


Smart, intelligent humour. Intricate like an atom.

Guess which one is which.

No prizes.

Things to Say on a Date.. (If you are a nerd)

Borg - You will be Assimilated

I recently got my hands on a copy of the Borg Star Trek Fan "Collective".

For those of you who aren't familiar with the Borg, shame on you! I'll leave the background research up to you, but please be aware that the rest of this post won't be funny.

On with Nerdom!

A day in the life of Borg and his girl (Mary)

(Over a coffee)

Mary - I saw a great pair of shoes today, they would look great with my red skrit
Borg - Shoes are irrelavent. Skirt is irrelavent.
Mary - Borg, there is no need to talk to me like that, I was just telling you about my day.. aren't you interested?
Borg - Talk is irrelevant Your day is irrelavant. We are Borg.
Mary - Well I never!
Borg - Well I never is irrelevant.

(In the car on the way home)

Mary - Borg, look out there's a stop sign!!
Borg - Stop sign is irrelavent.. We are Borg.
Mary - Ohh now the police are after us.

(Borg.. not slowing down)

Borg - Police are irrelavent.
Mary - Please stop Borg, for me.

(Borg - pausing to think for a few seconds)

Borg - We will comply. State your demands.
Mary - Demands?? What are you talking about Borg?
Borg - Demands are irrelevant. Talk is irrelevant.
Mary - Well now you are just being difficult.

(Borg stops the car, Police approaches)

Police - Excuse me sir, do you realise that you just ran a stop sign?
Borg - We are borg.
Police - Step out of the car
Mary - Do it.. for me please Borg.

(Borg steps out of car)

Police - Get up against the car, don't resist or ill shoot!
Borg - Resistance is futile.

(Police pulls gun)

Borg - You have technology that is of interest to us. You will be assimilated.

(Back in the Borg Shack)

Mary - Phew, what a day.. let's go to sleep.
Borg - Sleep is irrelavent. We are Borg.
Mary - Ohh, you are feeling frisky??... Ohh Borg, not tonight!
Borg - You will comply.
Mary - I have a headache.
Borg - Headache is irrelevant. You will comply
Mary - Ok, but just once.. and quickly, lets get it over with
Borg - Your species is of interest to us. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

And they Call This Work?

Hey hippidy hail!

Since my page was becoming entirely stagnant, I thought it was a due for a timely reminder from your's truely, that is still has duty to inform my many readers (I proof read it.. there's one reader at least) that I am still alive.

The page says yes.

Anyway, pretty blazay (Insert spell checker here) about the whole life thing right at the moment, nothing much going on there.

I've been working like a dog lately, the type that is carried around in purses and breast fed though, this job I have right now is pretty easy.

It's an online poker company called (That is actually that web address and not the name, but you get the idea) and I do customer service - from behind a computer screen. No face to face contact suits me nicely.

Hours are slightly strange but it is saving me buckets of money because it eats into my going out time. Cool.

Found this awesome page (Read - told about) that makes a radio station out of a musical genre that you are interested in. Even has Australian bands like the Chair, the Spoon, the Bait and the Higgins.

Check it. Booyakasha.


Idiots that walk around shouting random things out to random people annoy me

Although it is a trend for people to use blogs to complain about random things that happen that annoy them, I feel like complaining about something, so here goes.

Today im walking to get my mail, im not yelling things out randomly to random people as I walk past them. Im pretty sure most people are like this. Anyway, so this dude is walking slightly behind me and starts yelling something out that sound like

"Where is Loading Zone 47?"

I initially just figured this dude was talking to someone behind me, but the bombardment of the above statement kept on keeping on and I was forced to turn around to see who the fuck was making my day shit and I see this idiot and he repeats his mantra to me

"Where is loading Zone 47?"

I still figured he was talking to someone else, or was one of the random idiots that inhabit Vancouver's streets but he half turned to me and asked his little ditty again.

I dont know why but for some reason the way this guy was just asking random stupid stuff to random people was annoying me so I just said to him

"Who are you talking to?"

I mean this guy was missing pretty much every basic conversational skill there is. He did not make eye contact with anyone, me included (well I made the mistake of looking at him sideways, but thats another story altogether really isnt it, as well as beating someone to death with their own shoes), he didn't address anyone or notify anyone that he would like to ask them a question and.. oh yeah, he wasn't making any sense..

The way I said "Who are you talking to?" obviously rubbed this idiot up the wrong way a little so he slows down and yells out to my retreating back

"I'm talking to you! Don't get cocky!! Where is loading zone 47?"

I just shook my head and kept walking away. I kind of wanted to tear shreds off this guy but then I remembered I was a pussy so I just thought of about 20 awesome things I could have said to him.

Anyway, if you are out there you idiot, you are an idiot.

I hope you never find Loading Zone 47. I hope an elephant comes and does a massive shit on your head while you are not looking.

They should make a game that...

When I was trying to get to sleep the other day, I was thinking about Chuck Norris and how Bruce Lee ripped out a chunk of his chest hair in a fight in a movie that were both in.

How often does this happen anymore? Bruce Lee at the time would have been the undisputed KING of martial art films and Chuck Norris.. well, he was Chuck Norris wasn't he? I just don't know if there was ever an actual time when Chuck Norris became a star, I think he just IS.. Chuck Norris is pretty much like the Madonna of the martial arts world. Nobody remember's when either of them became famous, they have been famous ever since that undisclosed time, and now, they are famous for very, very little.

(Chuck at least has that exercise equipment, Madonna just has a big gap in her teeth and a resonably talented director.. think about it)

Anyway, this all got me thinking, why aren't there any big crossover martial art stars starring in each other movies anymore? In fact, why arent there any martial art stars anymore? Sure there is Jet Lee and Jackie Chan, that guy from Ung Bak and.. well, Stephen Chow, but there is no one out there with the balls out style of Bruce Lee, or Chuck Norris or even a Stephen Segal or Van Damme (Bloodsport Days.. oh and Van Damme crossing over with himself as the other martial arts star doesn't count)

And no Jason Statham is NOT a martial arts star, this just demonstrates my point.. he was great in Snatch as a guy who could pick up a baseball bat and look kinda menancing while doing it, but as soon as he tries a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head, he is just laughable.

Since all the male movie stars of today are pussies and probably wouldn't like it if they had to share screen time and paychecks with other "big" stars (could you imagine Elijah Wood and Leonardo DiCaprio squaring off in a martial arts extravagansa - it would be like watching Willow II, with Val Kilmer being replaced by a dwarf) I figured someone out there in Video Game land should just make a game that pits movie characters against one other. Forget Super Heroes, or Street Fighter Characters or Mortal Kombat, this game would trump them all. It would be the Mother of All House Parties. A pijama Jammy Jam.

The game would be set up as follows-

You get 8 initial Characters to pick from - they are

Bruce Lee (From Enter the Dragon)


Would losely look like Lui Kang from Mortal Kombat, but with more of an edge. More bouncy and faster. His story is, that he heard about a tournament, pitting the greatest martial arts experts against each other. Since he had nothing better to do, he decided to come along and lay the smack down. At the start of each match, the screen goes from the normal side of view, to in front of him, where he does the Bruce Lee arms wave in front of the face thing and then scowls. Opponents beware.

Special Move -

Chest Hair Pull (Up,up,up,down,down,left,right,hold block repeatedly then hit punch)

This is an unblockable move, but only works on Walker - Texas Ranger and probably Jack Burton. Bruce, dances up to his opponent, then proceeds to rip out a chunk of chest hair. He then shows it to the crowd, who cheer loudly.

Finishing Move -

The Mirror Smash (Press low kick, once)

After beating his opponent, a mirror appears behind them. Bruce Lee then takes a run up and kicks the opponent into it, smashing it to pieces. The camera then pans in front of Bruce Lee, and he does the hand waving over face thing, and scowls. The crowd then cheers loudly.

You cannot skip past the animations either. Everytime this happens you have to watch it. It is important.

Nemesis - Walker - Texas Ranger

Walker - Texas Ranger

Walker - Texas Ranger wears a cowboy hat, a sheriff badge and big boots. He also has a moustache. Walker - Texas Ranger, heard there was a tournament, and had not Round-House Kicked anyone in the face lately, so he thought he should go. He also heard that is nemesis Bruce Lee was going, and he had a score to settle, by roundhouse kicking him, in the face.

Special Move -

Round House Kick to The Face (Left,Right, Hold it in Centre for 10 seconds, mash keypad then press Start)

This is Walker - Texas Ranger's unblockable move, unless your opponent is Ivan Drago, who doesn't feel it. Walker - Texas Ranger, walks up to his opponent, who looks scared, and then Round-House Kicks them, in the face. The crowd reacts by being deathly silent, and looks on in stunned awe. Walker - Texas Ranger, looks proud.

Finishing Move

Devestating Round-House Kick to the Face through a Glass Window (Tap Coin Return, Twice)

Walker - Texas Ranger, Takes his opponent inside of a bar, by their hair, then props them up against the window. He then Round-House kicks them through the window, smashing glass everywhere. The crowd is silent, sitting in awed silence. Walker - Texas Ranger, looks proud as the Camera pans over his face. He then Round-House kicks the camera, out of his face.

Nemesis - Bruce Lee

Jean Claude Van Damme (From Bloodsport)


Van Damme is shirtless, showing off his ripped body and he is wearing a pair of short shorts. His hair is combed neatly to one side and he looks angry, all the time. Van Damme, who had been in semi retirement for a couple of years, heard that there was a challenger to his fastest round house kick record (who is in fact, Walker - Texas Ranger) and wants to show the world that he is more awesome at kicking than Walker - Texas Ranger.

Special Move

The Kick and Scream (hold backspace, press forward seven times then jump)(up and down in one spot)
Van Damme does a massive roundhouse kick in the air in front of the opponent and misses completely but the air pushes them over aided by Van Damme's blood curdling scream of anger and resentment. American Ninja is immune to this move as he is wearing body armour under his PJ's.

Finishing Move

The Deadly Kick and Scream (hold up, press down once, tilt)
Basically a carbon copy of the Kick and Scream except heaps more deadly and more violent. Van Damme kicks and screams a FEW times then spits at his opponent after drinking a vial of acid. The opponent DIES.

Next Up.. Descriptions for

Stephen Segal (From Under Seige)
Jack Burton (From Big Trouble in Little China)
Ivan Drago (From Rocky IV)
Rocky Balboa (From Rocky)
American Ninja (From American Ninja)



Number 2 - All Time Quotable something or other.. character? Huh??

2. Big Arnie (Predator)

For the life of me I can't remember the name of Arnie's character from Predator. Somebody help me out, the first person who posts it on this page gets a date with me, you are buying though. I think it might be Captain Hard-ass or Captain Goosevick, or Captain.. maybe it is just plain old captain?

Just about everybody I know can do quotes from this movie, and most of them are quotes from Arnie himself and his impecibble no-nonsence delivery (probably the only notible exception's that don't directly involve arnie is the exchange between Gen-er-alll and the other black guy where Gen-er-alll gets told in no uncertain terms that if he makes anymore noise, he is going to get "bled".. you all know which part im talking about. Also the part where the skinny white guy says "The jungle came alive and took her.. blah blah, what she said doesn't make any sense..")

Number 3 - All Time Quotable Movie Characters

3. Austin Powers/Dr Evil/Wayne Campbell/Fat Bastard (Just about any Mike Meyers Movie)

Just about everyone I know has at some point in their lives quoted a Mike Meyers character. This may be because most of my friends are geeks like me or it might be because Austin Powers and Wayne's World are just popular movie series.

I'll let you decide, but make sure you don't take too long.. ok, are you ready now? I've got a 4 o'clock shadow now. Thanks alot.

You all know the lines (I've got a piece of corn stuck up my arse that's bigger than a baby)


Wild Stallions!! Oh no, wait, that was Neo and that Vampire dude.

Uhh.. ok you get the idea. Go Mike Meyers.

There is a fair chance that the next movie is not going to involve Samual L Jackson or anything with Matthew Broderick in it.

Don't hold your breath... you will die.

  1 - 10 of 63 articles Next 10 Articles >> 

Search This Site

Syndicate this blog site

Powered by BlogEasy

Free Blog Hosting